I was speaking to my mum the other day, and she was explaining to me how worrying about her mother was keeping her up at night and making her ill.
“It’s difficult for us caring people,” she said. I immediately felt guilty. Does my lack of sleeplessness mean I don’t care about Grandma?
I mentioned this to the “Psychological Well-Being Practitioner” who I have phone calls with as part of my CBT (It’s not therapy it’s “a programme of guided self-help with telephone support.” I just love how the NHS will never use one word when they can use ten.) She said that a lot of her clients have positive beliefs about worry, and that a common thought is that “worrying makes me a caring person.”
Which is really interesting.
It was a victory for worried-about-being-late Kate when I arrived at my appointment 40 minutes early. The door was locked so I had to ring the buzzer. “Erm, hello, I’m really early. Is there a place I can sit and read for 40 minutes? I’ve brought a book!”
I tried to read but couldn’t manage it. This must be the short concentration span and lack of focus that the pre-appointment anxiety quiz was asking about. Eventually, it was time for my appointment.
The practitioner introduced herself. We sat down and talked for a bit about how I have been since my assessment. I was half concentrating on this conversation and half on her eyebrows – they were amazingly neat! Goodness, I thought, mine must look awful in comparison. I really need to be better at personal grooming. I’m such a mess.
We talked through what she called the cognitive cycle. This is what it looks like.