I have been known to try and discover the meaning of life on the internet. It was during one of those long dark browsing sessions that I came across the website of Sas Petherick. Or more specifically, this page. And goddamnit, those Llamas really got to me – how do they know?
When you coach with me you learn how to wrangle the crappy thoughts that come between you and the life you want.
Thought Wrangling gets to the root cause of what’s keeping you stuck
This is what I wanted.
And yet my brain was getting in the way.
“I don’t need a life coach. It sounds so stupid. Am I really one of those people?”
Little did I know that this fear of judgement about having a life coach was exactly the reason why I needed one.
So I signed up. And here’s a summary of how things went down.
Part I: The First Session
I was pretty nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. I signed into Skype about 15 minutes early, and then went to the toilet about five times while I waited for Sas to call.
But she was lovely, and almost instantly put me at ease. She asked me some questions, and listened to me ramble on for a while.
She said some things that were kind of mean.
But completely true.
It was kind of mind blowing.
We talked about…
- How I’ve cultivated a life and personality based on what I should do.
- How I’ve always been the good girl who does what she’s told and get’s on with everyone but this isn’t making me happy.
- How I’ve done all the things I “should” do to make a good life, but I’m not really happy and I feel a bit stuck.
- How I used my brain to think through rationally what I should do instead of listening to my intuition and what I actually want.
I got it how this could be a problem, but I had no idea what to do about it.
Luckily Sas had an exercise to help figure this out. She said I was going to use my Body Compass.
First she asked me to recall one of my worst memories. I’m not going to tell you want I thought about. But it was pretty terrible.
She asked me to describe how it felt. I told her it was tight sick feeling in your chest and stomach.
She asked me what colour it was. Weirdly, I knew right away that it was a yucky pale green.
Apparently this is what “no” feels like to me.
Then she asked to recall a really happy memory. I thought about the moment Guy asked me to marry him, and I could not stop myself from grinning.
On top of the insane amount of grinning, “yes” felt like my chest was really open – and there was a bubbling excitement which I felt in my legs. (I feel like an idiot now but this is actually kind of what it felt like). Oh, and yes is bright yellow.
My homework challenge, whenever I had a choice to make, was to think about each option and work out what my body compass was telling me. Did it feel tight, nauseating and green? Then it’s a no. Did it feel open, exciting and yellow? Then go for it.
Usually I make decisions on what I feel is the “good” course of action. Which of these menu items is cheaper? Which food is the most healthy? Actually thinking about which I wanted sounded like a pretty daunting task.
I found it much easier to do this exercise alone in my room than in a busy supermarket with a sandwich in each hand. But I persevered, and it did get easier to tell what I wanted.
Sometimes this was surprising. One day I found myself opting out of group drinking to go to a yoga class on my own to recharge.
Sometimes it wasn’t. Like when Guy asked me if I wanted him to meet me from work with icecream.
I concluded that doing what I want is going to lead to me spending more money and eating more calories. But maybe that’s okay? Sounds like a pretty small price to pay to be happy.
P.S. At some point during the call, I began to think about how the things I really love about myself are things that I’ve done despite people I care about thinking they were a bad idea.
I told Sas that I am so excited by my tattoos, and that maybe the reason I love them so much is that I a) always really secretly wanted them and then b) acted on this desire even though I knew doing so would piss my parents off.
“Exactly,” she said. “Imagine if you had the same kind of feeling about everything every day as you do about your tattoos.”
So that’s my end goal right there.