The first time I… listened to myself on a podcast

When Jo asked if I would be a guest on her new podcast Introspectology,  I agreed right away. I really enjoyed chatting to her about my story, my wedding and how I see the world.

But when it came out I found myself feeling anxious about listening to it. When my husband put it on, I became so self conscious at hearing my own voice I had to leave the room and would only come back if he turned it off. I know, sometimes I act as though I am four years old.

It was a long time since we had recorded it, and I couldn’t remember what I had said. What if it was awful, self indulgent rubbish? What if I sounded like an idiot? I decided to listen to it on my own first, just to check.

As it turns out, it’s actually pretty good. We sound a little unsure in the beginning, but we soon get into the flow of the conversation. Jo, as ever, is very engaging, and I actually say some intelligent things too.

It’s kind of funny that I had this reaction to the episode, because in it I talk about when I do things (like job interviews), freak out that I’ve come across appallingly and made an idiot of myself, but it turns out that I’ve come across pretty well. I think that might be the case here.

We recorded the podcast a few days after I got married and it was great to hear myself sound so happy about it.

But what stood out to me the most was that I sounded passionate and articulate when answering smaller questions, but confused and unsure about the bigger ones. It’s pretty obvious that I don’t have a clue what my life plan is, which I probably should have straight up admitted, but I don’t think I had even admitted that to myself back then.

Now I’ve made peace with the fact that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, only the kind of person I want to be. Perhaps that’s something to talk about in season 2 (hint hint Jo – I would love to come back.)

Here’s where you can listen to the show: www.introspectology.com/episodes/

 

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